Dear Texans, a few things to consider before you decide to secede from the United States…

I’m not talking to all Texans (or even the vast majority of Texans); I’m talking to those folks who have recently started and signed a petition for the Great State of Texas to secede from the United States of America.

To be fair, citizens in all 50 states have started similar petitions in the aftermath of President Obama’s reelection over Mitt Romney, but Texas is the first to reach the required 25,000 signatures on the White House’s direct petition site, which guarantees them a review of said petition and a response from the Obama Administration.

And, I say this as a former (and mostly proud) Texan myself, Texas is far more in need of this blog post than any other state with such a desire to secede. They are solidly conservative, a hotbed of Tea Party shenanigans and have a Republican governor that, most of the time, seems to be asleep at the wheel and whom Texans have elected to that office. Three times.

So, my Texan brothers and sisters, here are some facts to consider before you pull the plug on this “Grand, Noble Experiment” we call America:

– Since 2003, Texas has routinely received more in Federal funds than it has paid in Federal taxes by an annual estimate of around $60 billion. The state is projected to spend about $80 billion over the next two years in General Revenue funds. These are separate figures, but think of it this way: Texans are profiting $60 billion in Federal funds, next year. That’s about 75% of the state’s budget. Who is going to pay the tab for the shortfall? Texans will actually have *higher* taxes if they secede.

– Do you like your Border Patrol keeping all those pesky, hard-working Mexicans out? Yeah, that’s a Federal agency. Goodbye, border protection.

– Do you like a military that protects you from harm and defends your freedom? That’s also Federal, and your Texas National Guard units are significantly funded by the Federal Government. That’s yet another expense to tack on to your incoming bill for secession, not to mention the cost of setting up viable centers to train your Soldiers. Good luck with that.

– What about exports and imports? Do you realize that Texas actually *lacks* robust companies in many industries? What are you going to do when materials necessary for your survival fail to arrive because you cut off ties with the rest of the country?

– What about foreign policy? You do realize Texas is a running gag in much of the world ever since Pres. Bush took office, right? How do you plan to quickly set up relations with other nations?

– Here’s a big one: What if Mexico (rightly) believes it could overpower and annex you? Who’s going to be there to help you out? Last time, it was us. (No, really, take your happy little asses over to Google and look it up.)

And these points are just for starters.

Please think about those and get back to us, and by the way: We’re keeping Austin. You can’t have it.


11 thoughts on “Dear Texans, a few things to consider before you decide to secede from the United States…

  1. This needs to be on the front page of every media source.

    • Yelling Guy says:


  2. fran says:

    I really wonder who was the smart person who started this petition. I wonder myself if the 25000 people who signed it actually think that Texas could became it’s own country and succeed. If people would think, for at least 2 min, before putting their names down, they wouldn’t have done it. I actually think that all this people who signed it should be welcome to create their own private nation, and then we would see how good of a nation they would be..!!

  3. leroy says:

    yes you are correct in most of the issues you cite. But where is a large amount of gas, oil etc come from. Where is the best medical care come from? Have you heard of bases being established and ran on foreign ground? Border patrol can be ran from the inside and without all the federal regulation run better. As you say you are a fellow Texan so you have no say stay where you are and yes there are a lot of people here that would love to succeed

  4. me says:

    Are you people really that stupid. The people who made and signed that petition dont really want to secede from the union. They want to be heard, because our government is getting to big for there own britches and cant be controlled by the people any longer. And its the only way the people can be heard through all the profiteering bullshit. And yes a government that runs everything is a bad thing unless you are one of the worthless people that wants the government to pay for everything you have because you are too lazy to get off your dead asses to make your own living. And you all need to do some checking on the economy of Texas and jobs produced here before you go and say it cant stand on its own. It is about the only state that can. Besides Im sure that the other people around the nation that cant stand what the government is doing will move here as soon as they can too. I love my nation and I love the people and I use to work for the government, but If it looks like shit and smells like shit, rule of thumb is that it is probably shit. Good night and god bless you all

    • Susan says:

      Without a military and govt border patrol, Texas would be in a heap of financial and other trouble. And your Governor would need to be of Presidential caliber. Oil and cotton can only get you so far.
      Seceding was not really what petitioners want-they just want the govt to deal with finances properly. With the GOP out of the picture, the fiscally responsible Dems would do a sterling job. If the GOP congress keeps voting like a socialistic BLOCK, following Norquist’s and Boehner’s pledges, chaos will likely continue. So in 2014, vote more of the non job creating, non deficit reducing GOP out of Congress.

  5. riceroni says:

    Aren’t conservatives tired of being stupid? They’re filled with enough bigotry, hate, stupidity, ignorance, racism, vitriol, hyperbole, hypocrisy, and just plain foolishness to last eons. Which at this rate eons is what it will be before they ever win the White House again, and most like will lose the house for generations to come and never regain the senate. Even with obvious gerrymandering in their favor they’ll still lose. Seriously, I think it’s required to have an I.Q. of that becoming a hazelnut (my apologies to hazelnuts) to be a conservative.

  6. joejmz says:

    Actually, Texas sends more to the Federal government than it receives:

    Red State Socialism

    Additionally, the last time I looked, The US imports quite a few goods and also exports goods to other countries, so it would not be a novel idea to (GASP!) continue to trade with the Republic of Texas. An interesting note to remember in the trade area is that Texas actually exports electrical capability to western states, if the US decided to embargo Texas, the lights would go off in California.

    Further, the state of Texas has a larger army, air force, and navy than does Mexico, and Texans would actually do a much better job of securing our border with Mexico once we got rid of the idiotic rules and regulations the US Federal government has imposed on the border states.

    Talking about jokes in the international arena, President Obama and his bowing and scraping have put more lives in danger than anything President Bush ever did. Hucksters love to see a rube come along, that’s the only reason President Obama is more popular.

    I am a proud American, who gladly served my country and would rather not have to consider secession, but I also firmly believe that the U.S. needs Texas more than Texas needs the US federal government.

    • Marie says:

      You would’nt have a military because we would remove it and if you try to shut off the light’s in California don’t for get we control the power grid the phone company’s we also control the satalite’s we also control the gulf.The balls in your court you got anymore brite idea’s.See this is what is wrong with Republican’s,they have nothing but bad idea’s.There not winner’s there just bad looser’s!!!

      • joejmz says:

        LOL! You’ve probably never heard of the National Guard, but those are actually state-sponsored. The personnel and equipment belong to the state. The army, air force and navy I was referring to were the state-sponsored forces, not the federal forces.

        As to the “power grid” that is also state owned and the state of Texas is a net producer of electricity, actually providing electrical power to several western states. If the federal government were to shut off the power grid they would be hurting the other states, not Texas.

        Regarding the Gulf, international law gives nations control of approximately 12 miles past their shores, so the Republic of Texas would have this granted to it just like any other nation.

  7. Marie says:

    I would love to see all the Republican’s shipped down to Texas,put a big wall around them,take our military out and all funding away from them.I would let nothing come out of Texas on our border and if they wanted to use the shipping lane’s they would be taxed and inspected.There is nothing in Texas that the rest of the country needs.Our country would funtion better without them.We could set back and watch a civil war maybe even give them extra ammo so they could finish each other off,that’s all there good for anyway,war,war & more war.Republican’s are a shameful breed of people and the world would be a better off without them !!!

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